By Dámaris Tenza – CBT & Gestalt Sex Therapist in Costa del Sol
Understanding codependency is essential for breaking unhealthy relationship patterns and regaining emotional independence. Many people don’t realize they are caught in codependent cycles until they feel emotionally exhausted, anxious, or unable to set boundaries.
If you often prioritize others over yourself, feel responsible for their emotions, or fear being alone, you may be dealing with codependency.
Understanding Codependency: What It Means for Relationships
Codependency is more than just caring too much—it’s an emotional reliance on others that affects self-worth and identity. This behavior often develops in childhood, where love and validation were given based on fulfilling others’ needs rather than personal growth.
And here’s the issue—codependency feels like love.
But love isn’t about losing yourself in another person. A healthy relationship should feel safe, balanced, and fulfilling.
Signs of Codependency
- Saying yes when you mean no, because you fear rejection or guilt.
- Taking responsibility for others’ emotions, feeling like their happiness depends on you.
- Feeling guilty about prioritizing yourself, as if self-care is selfish.
- Staying in relationships that drain you, because being alone feels unbearable.
- Defining your self-worth by how much you do for others, instead of who you are.
If this resonates with you, there’s a way to break free.
Breaking Free from Codependency with CBT & Gestalt Therapy
Healing codependency requires learning how to set healthy boundaries, rebuild self-worth, and foster independence within relationships.
Recognizing Codependent Patterns
A client once told me, “I don’t even know who I am outside of my relationship.”
This realization is painful but necessary for growth. Ask yourself:
- Am I acting out of fear of rejection rather than genuine desire?
- Do I feel emotionally drained in my relationships?
- Do I struggle to express my own needs?
Setting Boundaries Without Guilt
Boundaries are not about pushing people away—they are about protecting your emotional well-being.
- Saying “no” is not rejection; it’s self-respect.
- You are not responsible for managing other people’s emotions.
- A relationship that only works when you abandon yourself is not love.
Many of my clients say, “I feel selfish when I put myself first.” But self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
Reconnecting with Your Authentic Self
Many people in codependent relationships struggle to identify their personal desires.
Ask yourself:
- What brings me joy?
- What are my personal goals outside of relationships?
- What would my life look like if I started prioritizing myself?
A client of mine started with a simple 30-minute self-care ritual—reading, walking, or practicing mindfulness. Over time, she rediscovered her sense of identity outside of her relationship.
Seeking Professional Support
Healing codependency isn’t a solo journey. Therapy can help you:
- Identify and break unhealthy relationship patterns
- Strengthen self-worth through CBT & Gestalt therapy
- Learn to create emotionally balanced relationships
Many of my clients say, «Therapy gave me permission to put myself first, and I never realized how much I needed that.»
Understanding Codependency: The Path to Emotional Freedom
Breaking free from codependency isn’t just about ending unhealthy relationships—it’s about transforming how you relate to yourself.
On the other side of codependency recovery is freedom—the kind of love that nourishes instead of depletes.
If you’re ready to start this journey, I offer private individual & couples therapy in Costa del Sol and luxury intimacy retreats in Marbella, designed to help you heal, reconnect with yourself, and create fulfilling relationships.
Get in touch today. Let’s start your journey toward healthier love. Because love should never require you to lose yourself.
With care and a space just for you,
Dámaris
